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2009
Wed
4
Feb

# Introducing The New Temple!

(15)
Tuition given in the topic of Miss Loi's Temple aka Joss Sticks Tuition Centre from the desk of at 9:57 pm (Singapore time)
UPDATE: With the completion of The Great Hall of Salvation, Miss Loi has since moved there.

Hello everyone! Konnichiwa! 欢迎欢迎! Welcome to the tour of The New Temple!

The great-great-great-
great-great-great Grandmother

My name is Miss Loi, the great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter of The Temple’s founder, and I shall be your tour guide for today.

While we wait for the rest to finish their arduous climb up The 38 Steps To Salvation, here’s some background information on the UNESCO World Heritage site that you’re about to visit.

Established in 2007 A.D. by my great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother to help students in their mathematics, it has its humble beginnings in a small, little room where we now stand.

You see, lives of Singaporean students were pretty harsh in those days. Crammed into classes of 40 or more in school, all of them had to sit for two major exams, common tests and numerous class tests every year.

*Collective ‘Oooh’ from the tour group*

OK seems like everyone’s here. Let’s start the tour proper shall we?

### The New Temple Gates

The Sign of The New Temple Gates

What you’re seeing before you are the legendary NEW Temple Gates, finally unveiled to the internet-at-large in February 2009 A.D. after, according to popular folklore, my great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother took a month to locate a missing ‘k’.

It’s been said that the very sight of them once reduced straight-As students to tears, and caused many to experience a sudden surge in their Mathematical prowess.

At this point, I’d like to ask a quick quiz question: Can anyone tell me what’s the expression for the rth+1 term in the binomial expansion of (a+b)n?

! BANZAI!!!!!

Well done Sato-san! *clap clap* It does seem like there’s an element of truth to the legend after all.

### The Chamber of Λ

The Tablet of Gratitudes

As we walk past the Tablet of Gratitudes from which hangs a myriad of homage to my great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother, you’ll see on your left The Chamber of Λ – the first of The Temple’s Four Chambers.

The Chamber of Λ

Sporting the same Λ symbol on Spartan shields, legend has it that my great-great-great-great-great-great granduncle once used this chamber to shield his A-Level / IB charges from the attacks of the 3D Vectors, amongst other A-Level topics.

With a maximum capacity for 6 students, it holds the record for the longest glass board of all in The Temple, and is also the only chamber where you can find white tables (because the dark ones were sold out by the time we reached Ikea).

### The Chamber of δ

Continuing down the hallway, you’ll soon see on your right The Chamber of δ.

Oh delta, the Symbol of Change, and the symbol of the cosy little chamber of my little great-great-great-great-great-great grandaunt, where she once held audiences with O Level Science students and where she was rumoured to have conducted her dark alchemic Chemistry and Biology experiments.

The Chamber of δ

With a maximum capacity for 5 students, it holds the record for the smallest glass board in The Temple and, when my little great-great-great-great-great-great grandaunt was not around, it was also the place where errant students who didn’t do their homework got themselves banished to aka 打入冷宫 in the hope that they would their learning attitudes – since this is, after all, The Chamber of Change.

### The Chamber of π

Continuing down to the end of the hallway, we arrive at The Chamber of π.

π – that enigmatic infinitely irrational number which plagued Singaporean students like a leech from their pre-pubescent primary school years all the way to their tertiary years, and despite everything, a number that’s still widely used by dieting women today to compute the circumference of their waists.

The Chamber of π

With a maximum capacity for 6 students, this is the sister chamber to the sacred Chamber of φ (which we’ll come to shortly), a mirror-like extension of the latter in times of crisis when The Temple was frequently overrun.

### The Chamber of φ

And now hold your breath, ladies and gentlemen, for we have come to the innermost quarter of The Temple.

Before you lies The Chamber of φ – the domain of my great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother The High Priestess herself, the Holiest of Holies, the sanctum sanctorum of The Temple, and the main attraction which you have paid your tourist money for.

The Chamber of φ

Oh φ – the Symbol of the Golden Ratio of perfection, and the Mark of the great Jφss Sticks Movement that brought about the demise of the LMBFH Syndrome during the turbulent Tuition Nation era at the turn of the 21st Century A.D.

Japanese Study Charms

Lined with good luck study charms from faraway Japan, this was where the High Priestess famously prepared her inner circle of disciples (6 at a time) for the wars against the Great Enemy, and where her ministries were held to cleanse them of their deadly sins of careless mistakes and not leaving enough time in exams to check their answers.

In fact, so powerful was her presence that her spirit is rumoured to be still lingering within the chamber till today …

*Ground trembles*

!

Umm … excuse me?

COSINE RULE! a2 = b2 + c2 − 2bc cos A! BANZAI!!!!!

Oh no not again!

がんばって! A1!
WE WILL SCORE A1!
WE WILL SCORE A1!
WE WILL SCORE A1!

GRANDMA! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*silence*

.
.
.

Umm … that’s the end of our tour.

If you’ve enjoyed it, I’d certainly appreciate a small token of appreciation from you at our tip box. We accept all major currencies but please don’t be a cheapskate and tip us in US Dollars.

Once again Thank You / Arigato / 谢谢 for coming and have a very Happy Lunar New Year 2999!

### Revision Exercise

To show that you have understood what Miss Loi just taught you from the centre, you must:

1. Krisandro commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
4
Wed
10:11pm

1

Totally enjoyed the tour. My great great great great great grandma would be pleased.

2. ignorantsoup commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
4
Wed
10:15pm

2

きれいな　へや　ですね。すばらしい！

Keep up the great work! Haha.

1+1 = 10. Oh no the binary great grandfather is here!

3. Janice commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
4
Wed
10:45pm

3

Hey babe, HAPPY Niu Year! Nice tour...Feels like I've entered Ikea!hehe...r u still putting up at Novena?

4. Dk commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
4
Wed
10:47pm

4

Wow. Nice.
Can we visit it physically some day? 🙂

5. Jason Ho commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
4
Wed
11:20pm

5

hehe..nice one man..always loved the way you write..nice temple btw.. 😉

6. Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
5
Thu
12:49am

6

Krisandro-gor gor???

Is your great great great great great grandpa the Krisandro that my great great great great great great grandma often mentioned on her blog? If that's the case, isn't your great great great great great grandma KKNN??? Let's be friends!

Glad that you've enjoyed the tour. Please don't pretend not to see that tip box on your way out.

P.S. On closer inspection, your grandma's probably a generation late since she's missing one "great" 😛

7. Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
5
Thu
11:27am

7

Ignorantsoup: Hmmm ... 1+1=10 ... with all due respect is that all the Binary Great Grandfather can do? 😛

P.S. According to this online translator, those Jap characters said "I clean my room. Great!" Very profound indeed ... my great-great-great-great-great-great grandma would've been proud.

8. ignorantsoup commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
5
Thu
11:32am

8

Lol. I wrote: It's a clean /beautiful room isn't it?

At least google got the great part right. Haha.

9. krisandro commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
5
Thu
12:11pm

9

On a serious note, I really love the design in the temple. I wanna go visit! For REAL!

10. Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
5
Thu
1:20pm

10

Janice: Happy Lunar New Year! Still on the lush plains of Novena dear, my great-great-great-great-great-great grandma ain't going nowhere 😉

Jason: Thanks. Like Krisandro gor-gor said, my great-great-great-great-great-great grandma would be pleased.

DK + Krisandro (again): Umm ... as space is limited, all applications to join the Temple Tour have to be approved by my great-great-great-great-great-great grandma first.

11. Relax commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
5
Thu
4:13pm

11

Nice temple.
It strongly reminds me of Giraffe hostel in Krakow, Poland.

http://www.hostelgiraffe.com/

12. Superman commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
5
Thu
8:32pm

12

Doesn't looks like temple for me 🙂 But the interior design great.

13. Walter commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
5
Thu
9:18pm

13

Wow! The new temple sure looks impressive by the World Heritage Site standard even.... I am sure the worshippers must be pretty generous in their donations to the deity. 😉

14. Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class

2009
Feb
9
Mon
1:15pm

14

Hi I'm back after another intensive weekend of tuition! And I'm really glad that my class of pre-schoolers have finally understood how to solve this important question that's bound to appear in their upcoming exams. My great-great-great-great-great-great grandma would've been proud ... anyway ...

Relax: That really brings back memories of my backpacking days, and I'd love my walls to be painted like them ... but well that'll be for another time.

Superman! Thanks for flying by Templeville!

Walter: Not really. Most of the tourists (like the cheapskate great-great-great-great-great-great grandson of Krisandro) conveniently skipped the tip box on their way out!

P.S. Has The Temple's application to be listed on the 2999 version of Yesterday.sg been approved yet 😉

### One Reaction

1. Miss Loi tweeted

2009
Feb
4
Wed
2:31pm

15

Finally, finally The NEW Temple has been unveiled to the online world! http://tinyurl.com/c2qdon Do come in and 参观参观 ok?