The nomination stage of the inaugural S’pore Blog Awards has reached fever pitch.
Since its inception a month ago, it has attracted a steady stream of nominations for blogs ranging from the critically-acclaimed to the critically lame.
And as a testament to the immense success of this campaign, their nomination list now resembles a weekend Toto queue at your neighbourhood booth, choked full of all of the 阿鸡阿狗阿猫 (lit. the chicks, the dogs and the cats) of Singapore’s blogosphere taking their solitary potshots at eternal online fame.
[source]
But like others before her, this particular 小猫 too fell victim to the beckoning lure of the bright lights of internet fame and hence, in true LMBFH fashion, decided to join the Toto queue register Jφss Sticks on the eve of nomination deadline.
After performing a series of complex probability and statistical calculations, taking into account factors like:
- The standard deviation of other bloggers’ levels of cuteness and sexiness
- The mean and median number of cute and sexy photos in other blogs
- The likelihood of scandals (as they tend to happen in the aftermath of all contests)
, she concluded that the path of least resistance lies in the Best Design Blog Category (with just 46 nominees at the time of writing), which offers the best chance of striking Toto being selected compared to, say, the Best Individual Blog Category (267 nominees at time of writing and rising fast), where bloggers currently live in Third World overcrowded conditions:
And so like a nervous Ah Lian joining her first pageant, Miss Loi proceeded to fill up the online registration form.
It didn’t help that the first field demanded her NRIC number. After deliberating for a year, Miss Loi finally decided to (grudgingly) disclose her age to them in the spirit of competition. *Hmmph!*
Next came the Blog Details section, which seemed straightforward enough to complete.
Last came the “Short description about yourself/your blog” section – that crucial area of the form which presents the opportunity for bloggers to execute their Level 99 hard-selling pitching skills imploring the judges to take a second look.
Following the tuition industry’s emphasis on personal testimonies, Miss Loi decided to string together a collection of some of the more … umm … encouraging comments from her dear readers.
So instead of a typical:
Hi I’m Miss Loi. I’m a
sexymaths tutor and this is my blog. I blog about maths, tuition, and anything under the sun. But in reality, I’m just a simple girl.
You might experience the unnerving feeling of seeing your own comment from your past life here:
With a satisfied smile on her face, she clicked the ‘Submit’ button and to her horror this is what’s currently showing on the nomination list:
Instead of Jφss Sticks, the title of this blog is now affectionately known by the utterly, utterly un-glam name of MISS LOI. And a certain Celine Loi has suddenly taken over as the author of this blog!
Checking back, she realized that in her haste she’d mistakenly took the form’s Blog Nickname field for Blogger’s Nickname.
But why on earth would a blog have a nickname?! To the best of her knowledge, Miss Loi hasn’t come across any blog that comes with an ‘official’ name and an accompanying nickname.
Maybe she should start to call Jφss Sticks Jossy from now on *shudders*
So there you have it. Please support Celine Loi of MISS LOI’s fame in this year’s S’pore Blog Awards!
Ewwwwwwww.
NEWFLASH:
This new blogger Celine Loi now finds herself within the list of “heavier-weight” bloggers (nothing to do with her real weight okay!) on omy.sg’s official blogs (here & here).
She was feeling really flattered to be featured alongside the likes of Blinkymummy and Eastcoastlife (albeit being way way way way way way way way down the list), but when she saw the blog positioned two places above hers …
Now repeat after Miss Loi “I will score A1 … I will score A1 … I will score A1 …”
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Miss Loi is a full-time private tutor in Singapore specializing in O-Level Maths tuition. Her life's calling is to eradicate the terrifying LMBFH Syndrome off the face of this planet. For over 19 years she has been a savior to countless students ... 
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Miss Loi vs The Big Bad Dog
(10)that traumatized Miss Loi’s childhood
Ever since a harrowing experience of being pursued by a big bad dog when she was a very cute child, it’s safe to say that there isn’t much love lost between Miss Loi and the canine population.
Unfortunately, being a private tutor means that she often has to live with the occupational hazard of facing big bad dogs at her students’ house.
They range from fierce growling beasts with salivating tongues (which she always gives a wide berth of ≥ 5m) to the cute but irritatingly … umm … hum sup kind who never fail to … umm … climb all over her in an attempt to lick away the top layer of her Shu Uemura makeup, create a saliva trail up and down her legs, and often leaving a helpless Miss Loi thinking …
… as a solitary tear drop flows down her face.
And on this topic, Miss Loi found herself face-to-face with a particularly nasty-looking dog one day, as she waited at the porch for the maid to open the door to her student’s house.
As she stared into its pair of big dark eyes, notice was served of its enormous strength when she found that it was held back by not one but FOUR leashes tied to various points around the porch.
But the maid was taking ages, and a bored Miss Loi decided it was time to exact some measure of revenge for her traumatized childhood.
*Sticks out tongue and makes monkey face*
Came the friendly reply as it reared its huge white furry head.
And so in a severe lesson on complacency, the angry dog managed to break one of the leashes in a mighty show of strength, just as her (petrified) student appeared at the door!
Given that the lengths of the three remaining leashes are 6m, 2m and 7m, and that they are tied to three corners of a rectangular area, with Miss Loi’s student standing at the fourth corner.
Find x, the length of the rope, that the student must throw.
Can you please help Miss Loi before she becomes dog food?!