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2007
Fri
14
Sep
Miss Loi avatar

2cm Away From Burning My Own Joss Sticks

(51)
Tuition given in the topic of Miss Loi's Car from the desk of Miss Loi at 12:32 pm (Singapore time)

From 120km/h cement trucks to 40km/h aunties & uncles hogging the right lane, Miss Loi thought she’d seen it all in her daily commute to her students’ residences on Singapore’s world-class roads. But what happened yesterday afternoon left her in a bit of a shock – even worse than her previous accident experience.

To go straight to the plot, there were three of us travelling happily along Ang Mo Kio Ave 2 in the vicinity of St. Nicholas Girls’ School – a blue pickup lorry and the two protagonists: a sexy Maths tutor in a black Toyota car, and … umm … let’s just call him Mr Dumbass in a black egg-shaped Mitsubishi Colt Plus.

Initial Car Formation

As you can see from the diagram above, everyone was merrily cruising in formation along the two-lane road, the sky was blue, the birds were chirping, and the world was in equilibrium.

Perhaps a massive bout of self-pity for his sad underachieving life suddenly overwhelmed Mr Dumbass, but still this is not a good reason for him to do this:

Crazy car swerving manoeveur that nearly killed Miss Loi!

From the haunting image she saw in her side mirror, Miss Loi was dead sure 2 cm was all that separated her from the real possibility of yesterday’s post becoming this blog’s final post. In fact her fingers are trembling now as she types this.

To his credit, in the obvious absence of a functioning brain, Mr Dumbass appears to be well-compensated with a pair of functioning ears so he did manage to pull away at the last minute (and it was really last-minute!) upon hearing Miss Loi’s incessant horning for what sounded like an eternity.

By now Miss Loi had slowed her car and was still reeling from the shock. Mr Dumbass had also slowed down and was now cruising, ironically, at least 20m behind her.

Once she had regained some composure, Miss Loi signalled to stop and was expecting Mr Dumbass to do likewise, get out of the eggshell of his car and at least apologise.

Mr Dumbass' Mitsubishi Colt Plus

Mr Dumbass’ black egg shell
No. plate SGK XXXX X
NOS included

Just as she was preparing to unleash 16 years’ worth of student reprimanding experience on him, much to her utter dismay, Mr Dumbass’ eggshell suddenly came to life and zoomed past her as if it was running on NOS!

As she angrily tidied her messy hair caused by Mr Dumbass’ slipstream, Miss Loi is convinced that with the rising number of vehicles driven by an increasing population of Dumbasses, Singapore’s world-class roads are becoming more dangerous by the day.

As she saw another pair of efficient white-uniformed wardens zipping past on their scooters on their way to summon the next batch of unfortunate illegal parking offenders, she couldn’t help feel that some of this efficiency could be better channeled to catch wimpy idiotic dumbasses like the one above.

Afterall dumbasses can kill. 10-minute expired coupons don’t.

頑張って!!!

Revision Exercise

To show that you have understood what Miss Loi just taught you from the centre, you must:

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Comments & Reactions

51 Comments

  1. WishBoNe's Avatar
    WishBoNe  commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    14
    Fri
    10:42pm
     
    1

    OMG! What a dumbass indeed! With such a small space, did he really think the egg would be able to roll through despite it being small?

  2. Paddy Tan's Avatar
    Paddy Tan commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    14
    Fri
    11:43pm
     
    2

    You manage to catch Mr Dumbass car plate? Go report on him.. it is so damn dangerous

  3. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    1:16am
     
    3

    WishBoNe, if you looked at the diagram again you'll find that the sexy maths tutor was even slightly ahead of Mr Dumbass!

    So he should still see her even if he didn't check his blind-spot. Unless

    1) his window tint was too dark (suspect this was the case as Miss Loi couldn't see his face despite being so close)
    2) the A-pillar of the Colt is too fat
    3) his eyeball/neck muscles were incapable of turning even a single degree.

    Tsk.

  4. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    1:19am
     
    4

    Paddy, thanks for your concern. Unfortunately it happened so fast and Miss Loi was so traumatized afterwards that only the alphabets 'SGK' were recalled. 🙁

  5. ByPassing's Avatar
    ByPassing commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    4:40am
     
    5

    Ms sexy maths tutor....u sure he alone in the car? keke...maybe someone else bending over some area u never saw...
    Such a hamster for not stopping....

  6. Paddy Tan's Avatar
    Paddy Tan commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    8:28am
     
    6

    I couldnt stop laughing when you labeled yourself as sexy maths tutor.. hee hee.. Not that you are not (I think .. oops) but really funny 🙂

    Paddy
    'Not so sexy CEO but can dance a good strip tease'

  7. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    11:44am
     
    7

    Hey ByPasser, don't be naughty huh.

    But then again maybe that explains why his windows were so darkly tinted ... and also why he didn't stop!

  8. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    12:08pm
     
    8

    Paddy, you are hereby cordially invited to perform the CEO Strip Tease Dance at Miss Loi's Temple for this year's post-exams celebrations.

  9. kiroii's Avatar
    kiroii commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    3:25pm
     
    9

    er world class roads? dunno about that but sg drivers are certainly not world class..common knowledge

  10. imp's Avatar
    imp commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    7:27pm
     
    10

    goodness. what an idiot.

    he's a dumbass. he wouldn't stop to apologize. cowards like him run away. eek.

  11. 123`'s Avatar
    123` commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    9:31pm
  12. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    11:32pm
     
    12

    Kiroii, Singapore most definitely has a world-class transportation network consisting of world-class drivers (such as the one described in this post) graduating from world-class driving schools driving on world-class roads!

  13. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    11:35pm
     
    13

    imp, at the end of the day we ought to be understanding to others. See comments #5 and #7.

  14. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    15
    Sat
    11:49pm
  15. ByPassing's Avatar
    ByPassing commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    16
    Sun
    1:04am
     
    15

    Whatever the cause, its gd that no one gets hurt in this near-accident. It sucks, but sometimes, all it takes is just one mistake and lifes may be lost. (just like the recent hougang fire thingy) So yah, your are right about your entry title.

  16. kiroii's Avatar
    kiroii commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    16
    Sun
    7:23pm
     
    16

    er miss loi world class drivers in singapore?>.< i was under the impression singapore drivers are one of the worst..they'll cut lanes without thinking...i heard that in aus no matter how SLOW you drive or how bad u drive etc etc..they wont honk or hurl rebulks or innuendos but in singapore u drive slow, you'll get honks and insulting remarks..
    world class drivers?

  17. ByPassing's Avatar
    ByPassing commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    16
    Sun
    7:45pm
  18. Lara (LOI)'s Avatar
    Lara (LOI) commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    16
    Sun
    11:02pm
     
    18

    Probably we are related =D! From the LOI ancestors! Whats your english LOI in chinese?

    (I meant how do you write your surname in chinese. xD)

  19. HORNY ANG MOH's Avatar
    HORNY ANG MOH commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    9:07am
     
    19

    I thought S'porean r all good boy & good gurls! Actually what speed are u all doing? Yes u r lucky to be alive! I am also amaze how a lady will change if u mess up her hair! He! He! Have a nice day!

  20. 123's Avatar
    123 commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    12:16pm
  21. kiroii's Avatar
    kiroii commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    4:45pm
     
    21

    er no offence for insinuating singaporeans but as a singaporean myself maybe im a little biased..as im not really a nationalist..
    i mean lets face it u take de mrt and scrutinise yer surroundings..especially during rush hours..people push and knock like they dunno the term "manners" when the door opens everyone simply rushes in talk abt haphazzardness?

    furthermore speakin of moral ettiquite how many singaporeans actually give up their sits for the needy(elderly or the pregnant)..lets face it under our present government singapore is technically a land of wealth..moral principles are eroding..

    thus "good boys and gurls"? think again..

  22. kiroii's Avatar
    kiroii commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    4:46pm
     
    22

    hmm but i mean feel free to ignore my comments or stmatisations after all what do i know im a mere adolescent..

  23. kiroii's Avatar
    kiroii commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    4:47pm
  24. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    5:35pm
     
    24

    Hello Ms Lara Loi! You certainly have a very cool surname! FYI the family clan over here is .

  25. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    5:40pm
     
    25

    HAM,

    As law-abiding motorists we were all traveling in such haste that speed cameras would have no chance to waste their flashes.

    You want to try messing up Miss Loi's hair and see what will happen to you?

  26. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    5:43pm
     
    26

    123, oh yes Miss Loi found this out later from her student. You can tell from here that she doesn't really do much IM. 😛

  27. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    5:45pm
     
    27

    kiroii, chill it and read between the lines dude! You'll find that everyone here is actually on your side!

  28. kiroii's Avatar
    kiroii commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    17
    Mon
    5:49pm
     
    28

    nah juz rather agitated that 2 of my classmates actually thought that lee kuan *** was "god" zz sry abt that-.-"" but this gov is really..

  29. Lara (LOI)'s Avatar
    Lara (LOI) commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    18
    Tue
    1:18am
     
    29

    AIYA! Different! Mine's 李. WOAH. 罗 sounds pretty cool too. So far of all the 17years i've lived. i only managed to know another LOI which is around last year december (Your the second Loi I've found.) and her LOI is written as 黎 or something like that. (I can't remember XD) Still pronounced as Li in chinese but definitely of a more complicated character and a different tone. SO COOLLLLL.. Even of the rare few LOI i could find, all our surname in chinese is of diff character!!!

  30. HighwayBlogger's Avatar
    HighwayBlogger commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    18
    Tue
    7:14am
     
    30

    LOL makes for a good topic for my blog! Glad you're alright 🙂

    Wa lao... you describe yourself as 'sexy maths tutor' that's why he wanna come so close lah! If it was me, I prolly bang you just to get you outta the car to get your phone number!

  31. Jason Ho's Avatar
    Jason Ho commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    18
    Tue
    9:20am
     
    31

    woah interesting, this is perhaps the first blog I have read on a near death/accident experience without any profanity..

    coz if it were me, I would curse him/her, the descendants and ancestors to the very depths of hell not even the 7 levels can take...nice one teacher.. 😉

  32. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    18
    Tue
    2:20pm
     
    32

    Miss Loi (李),

    This is the first time Miss Loi has heard that Loi can be = 李. The only other Loi she'd known is 吕.

    If this is the case then can we start calling our PM Loi HL and his dad Loi KY! lol

  33. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    18
    Tue
    2:22pm
     
    33

    HighwayBlogger, from the way he zoomed past, doubt he was ever interested in getting any numbers.

    Think he should even count himself lucky Miss Loi missed his car plate number!

  34. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    18
    Tue
    2:31pm
     
    34

    Hey Jason, how would you know that Miss Loi didn't cordially escort him and his 祖宗十八代 to 十八层地狱 (albeit silently)?

    Then again, why do guys (and some gals) like to sprout profanities?

  35. 123's Avatar
    123 commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    18
    Tue
    2:54pm
     
    35

    wa..keke this topic like damn hot leh...comments 多多

  36. Jason Ho's Avatar
    Jason Ho commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    18
    Tue
    4:27pm
     
    36

    ti-cher - hmmm..think perhaps its prob a reflex or something...~evil though~ 😉

  37. Lara (LOI)'s Avatar
    Lara (LOI) commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    12:23am
     
    37

    HAHAHA! Well, I guess I'll have to thank my Ah Gong then. Because the nurse registered our surname wrongly from Li to Loi during his batch. So yups =D! That's why 李 was never supposed to be LOI xD!

  38. ByPassing's Avatar
    ByPassing commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    1:28am
     
    38

    Indeed hot topic, lots of comment. Ya...indeed some of the Han Yu Ping Ying surname registered by the nurse wrongly so we end up having same chinese surname but different Ping Ying...wa...lucky not mix up child....

  39. ByPassing's Avatar
    ByPassing commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    1:30am
     
    39

    Oh...one more thing, how u draw those pic on this entry? What software u used?

  40. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    10:34am
     
    40

    123 & ByPassing: Miss Loi is surprised too that this turned out to to be rather a hot topic. Actually Miss Loi just had another angry encounter (though not a life-threatening one) with another world-class Singaporean driver.

    Still deliberating on whether to blog it (at the risk of this degenerating into a motorist complaints blog).

    P.S. But the comments are getting a little OT already 😛

  41. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    10:35am
     
    41

    Jason, then Miss Loi is very different from you. Her usual reflex action is to head downtown for retail therapy. LOL

  42. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    10:41am
     
    42

    Miss Lara 李 Loi,

    Think all Lois are nurses' mistakes! According to legend, the surname of an entire generation of this blog's owner's family tree was also 'determined' by a forward-thinking hospital staff!

    Maybe the both of us came from the same hospital then!

  43. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    10:48am
     
    43

    ByPassing (again), Miss Loi's Trusty Webmaster helped her draw those diagrams. Not sure got to ask him but think he uses MS Word or Photoshop.

  44. Anntonii's Avatar
    Anntonii commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    11:31am
     
    44

    Maybe Mr Dumbass was trying to hook you up by giving you a moment that you'll never forget?

    But I wonder why he drove off after you stopped... hmmmmm...

  45. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    19
    Wed
    6:43pm
     
    45

    Welcome to Jφss Sticks Anntonii!

    Maybe anyone would have driven off on seeing Miss Loi's face that day!

  46. 123's Avatar
    123 commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    20
    Thu
    10:27pm
     
    46

    Wow, im actually one of the chatter-box(ers)
    @.@

  47. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    21
    Fri
    4:19pm
     
    47

    Wow, aren't you honoured to be among the greats? 😉

  48. Jzin's Avatar
    Jzin commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    22
    Sat
    11:41pm
     
    48

    goodness...thank God u r alive! How can the world lose a sexy maths teacher with wits to match to a Dumbass?!

    Ya...the Singapore roads are increasingly filled with dumbasses (though sometimes I count myself to be one of them...)
    Guess the only thing we can do is not to be one ourselves

  49. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    23
    Sun
    1:20pm
     
    49

    Jzin, maybe the ERPs, speed cameras, parking attendants, and the massive jams these days tend to bring out the Dumbasses in all of us.

    What make/model/colour do you drive so that Miss Loi can siam you when you're spotted on the road? lol

  50. Jzin's Avatar
    Jzin commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    23
    Sun
    10:55pm
     
    50

    actually, itz mainly the other dumbasses that brings out the dumbass in me!

    -Driver of a grey Toyota (1.8L Altis...not many on the road so...)

  51. Miss Loi's Avatar
    Miss Loi Friend Miss Loi on Facebook @MissLoi commented in tuition class


    2007
    Sep
    24
    Mon
    11:47pm
     
    51

    Ahhh ... a rare 1.8 indeed. Do give out a friendly horn should we ever bump (pun unintended) into each other on the road one day.

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