2009
Thu
15
Jan
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2008 GCE O-Level Results – Advent Children

(10)
Posted at 2:26 pm by Miss Loi in Miss Loi the Tutor
Temple 絵馬 2008

Monday two o’clock came and went.

The Temple ema hung limp from the The Temple walls, as if holding a collective breath for the fates of the wishes scribbled upon them by their adopted masters many months ago.

Their little masters who, after successful expeditions to locate their school badges and having their hair grudgingly dyed black again, should be standing before the White Gates of Salvation by now, provided their principals’ cheong hei speeches have ended.

Those, as she recalled, who were left abandoned by faceless schools/teachers/tutors like unwanted babies outside the Temple Gates on black starless nights …

*Beep beep*

Do you want to know my results? It’s super bad …

The first SMS came from an emo F9 case, prone to bouts of forgetfulness and 胡思乱想-ness whenever stressed, whose confidence has been shattered by her school’s “killer” papers when she first arrived.

… I got A2 for both emath and amath

… came the anti-climatic reply upon Miss Loi’s anxious probing.

*Beep beep*

Amath and emath A2! Yes! dun believe i bring my report slip and show you! Thanks for all your help and your *patient and guidance!really appreciate it!

This time, it was the talkative vocal one who had never pass her maths in the last two years – the hardcore 大東 fan and the hardcore Mathematics anti-fan, who once vowed to compose and perform on TV a song called Last-Minute Buddha Foot Hugging Syndrome.

*P.S. Should be patience in the SMS right? Miss Loi is not a nurse!

*Ring ring …*

She picked up the phone to sobbing sounds from the very tall D7 case, who has the habit of whipping herself into a state of panic before every test/exam (and subsequently freeze in it) even though she can do all the questions in class.

What happened to you?

Nothing … just too happy I got A1 and A2.

*Beep beep …*

It was the guy with the horrible, horrible handwriting that Miss Loi could never read, who’d originally planned to drop A-Maths but decided not to only because “it doesn’t seem so competitive now after all my classmates have dropped it”. The one who hated math workings and thought that they were stupid/useless but nonetheless assured her that he’ll “write properly in exam”. The one who always complained when being forced by her to do his most hated topics in class.

A1 for emaths, A2 for amaths, but please don’t ask my L1R5 :P

*silent prayer to thank the heavens for letting the examiners understand his handwriting*

*Beep beep*

My husband so happy with her maths result n ask me tell u tat u really are Super Tutor :-) … Two B3s … Ya. But we very happy already. She fail maths all the time. We were so worried cos most course needs math

Astonishing news from the mom of The One who was the absolute last in class, who scored >40 points in prelims, who’d never passed before, who had friends writing long letters imploring her to buck up, and could seldom take a proper picture of herself in her Facebook account.

Meanwhile, news began coming in from other chambers of The Temple

Hi Mr Loi :) thanks you you! I managed my A1s for both maths :)

So said the C5 case who arrived only in July, who was a walking epitome of careless mistakes, who was forced against her will made by Mr Loi (yes he’s the other tutor helping out Miss Loi in the class schedules page) to practise her most-hated Number Sequences continuously throughout the days leading up to the E-Maths Paper 2.

Mr Loi i passed my maths. I got B3!!!

said the apparently “hopeless” one who had never passed math before.

The messages were coming in thick and fast now, including those from that notorious band of single Maths brothers and sisters who frequently gave Miss Loi heart attacks were among the last of the Last-Minute Buddha Foot Huggers, those with the “poorest of the poor grades” who only reached the Temple Gates after June this year, some of whom had absolutely no idea what simultaneous equations were or thought that TOA CAH SOH was really some old lady with a big foot …

Hi, ms loi. Thanks for ur guidance. I managed to get an A2 for math:)

said the Normal(A) one who had finally managed to prove her school wrong.

I got B3!!!!

said the private candidate retaking for the 3rd time, and who’d confessed to hating all her previous 12 maths teachers. *shudders*

Mr Loi, I passed my maths! the class with band 1 my fren in band 1 got D7, I in band 3 got C6! I will introduce my fren to you one, don’t worry!

said the one who … umm … basically Sec 1-3 like never study before.

At this point, she was beginning to worry about her phone bill this month …

MS LOI!!! I got A1 for e maths, and OMG, A2 FOR A MATHS!! thanks ms loi :)

said the D7 case who had been demoralized by her school’s “killer” papers, and who always come to The Temple with a packet of fast food.

… A2 for maths!

said another D7 case whose primary need for tuition was to ensure her entry into a certain JC because … umm … the guys there are cute and he is there -_-

Miss loi do you teach timothy ho? … my classmate thought he was in your class but he lied. i think.

said someone … umm … WHO ARE YOU???

.
.
.

The last message came and went.

A sudden breeze whiffed through The Temple‘s corridor, and the ema swayed briefly in unison as if their burdens had been lifted from them by their elated little masters – the Children of The Temple who had fulfilled their destinies and emerged with the promised tears of joy, who finally come of age.

The High Priestess closed her eyes in a moment of reflection:

The Temple has seen many, many more Mathematical refugees this year, and in keeping to her personal motto, has turned away countless straight As students posing as chronic LMBFH Syndrome sufferers.

But against the odds, she is once again SUPER PROUD of all of them whom, through THEIR OWN EFFORTS, 100% managed to attain improvement in their grades.

For those who took double Maths, 79% first arrived at The Temple with a failing grade (F9/E8/D7) in AMaths, and an amazing 87% of them made the jump to at least a B3. Overall, 77% and 70% achieved distinctions in E-Maths and A-Maths respectively.

GCE O-Level 2008 Double Maths Grades
GCE O-Level 2008 Double Maths Grades
Bs included as proof of realism

And for the supposedly “weaker” single Maths students (yes, like last year we don’t just promote the best students and make the rest “disappear”), umm … 100% *shakes head* first arrived at The Temple with a failing grade (F9/E8/D7), and now 73% of them has made the leap to at least a B4.

GCE O-Level 2008 Single Math Grades
GCE O-Level 2008 Single Maths Grades

Deep inside, however, she knows that she is no miracle worker.

But as certain as tomorrow’s sunrise, miracle workers do exist, for one resides within each and every one of you, dying to reach out and shepherd you, like a guardian angel would, through all challenges in life – but have too often found your door closed by you as you get distracted and undermined by day-to-day-to-day stuff like SMS/MSN/computer games etc. and (unfortunately ofttimes) by those around you.

So a big CONGRATULATIONS to all who’ve achieved your goals, and to those of you who’re losing hair over this, use this period to recognize and improve on your weaknesses so that you can do well in your NEXT TERTIARY EXAM – which is always more important than your previous one.

Because, like all the Children of the Temple, once you’ve unlocked your door for that little personal miracle worker of yours to come in and work his magic …

ANYONE CAN SHINE!

P.S. Make sure you watch till the end of the video.

がんばって!!!


2009
Sun
11
Jan
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It’s Judgement Day Tomorrow – Not Doomsday!

(6)
Posted at 7:26 pm by Miss Loi in Miss Loi the Tutor

Less than 24 hours lie between now and Judgement Day.

Amid all the doomsday talk e.g.

Anyone know any good coffin makers?? … 12 JAN – THE DAY I’LL DIE … Now then, to prepare an extra change of school skirt just in case I pee in em prior to stepping into the school hall … suicide in 2 days time! wooohoo! … Let’s all die together. hah, hah.

… scribbled on the wall of that little Judgement Day Facebook event created by Miss Loi (albeit “hosted” by the “Ministry of Education”) which astonishingly, at the time of writing, has 1000+ confirmed guests (whom she’s convinced a substantial number “joined” thinking it’s some underground rave party hosted by the Ministry of Sound), she shall repeat what she’d had said last year and the year before – and that is, despite all that has been said by the vocal proponents of the rat race,

One exam simply does not determine your entire future and what you do in your lifetime.

The road ahead is just too long for this, and the only person who’s really judging you on Judgement Day is yourself.

With that, Miss Loi shall leave you with a little mash-up of some of the well-wishes from your fellow peers extracted from that same wall, to add to her own voice, and maybe just to show that there’s still that little bit of love in the system that we exist in:

All the best - from Facebook!

May your tears of joy flow freely tomorrow (only if you’re the hum bao type).

P.S. And Miss Loi has just discovered the Let Live & Let Die for O Level Results 2008/09 Facebook group, plus this very, very naughty Facebook fan page.
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2009
Wed
7
Jan
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Judgement Day On Monday!

(6)
Posted at 7:50 pm by Miss Loi in Miss Loi the Tutor

And so the judge was right, the HCL cher was right, some bookies were right, and that Powerpoint slide told the truth, for the fate of all GCE ‘O’ Level 2008 results shall be released and made known on Monday, for the date of 12 January 2009 2pm shall be …

*cue for Terminator music* *deng deng deng deng dengdeng deng deng deng deng …*

Good Luck Everyone!
… and Miss Loi shall look forward to your tears of joy.

*starts jumping up and down like a siao char bor again*

P.S. Thanks for the scoop, Maisurah dear ;)

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2009
Sun
4
Jan
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Judgement Day To Fall On 12 January?

(11)
Posted at 11:40 pm by Miss Loi in Miss Loi the Tutor

7 JAN 6:30PM UPDATE: The bell has tolled!

7 JAN 3:30PM UPDATE: Actually got in touch with MOE’s Webmaster! But … umm … nothing came out of this little rendezvous though haha.

6 JAN 7:33PM UPDATE: More intriguing evidence pointing to 12 Jan has surfaced. Apparently, the date (along with the 2pm timing) was seen on a Powerpoint slide during a poly open house briefing today.

For those who can’t see the message in the link, it says

O level results coming out on next mon(12 jan) 2 p.m! Woots!

… my friend got poly open house briefing today. then the ppt shows this info. hmm tmr papers might be out lah…

Ooh … how exciting … *begins to jump up and down*

In true Da Vinci Code fashion, Early January remains the only cryptic clue left by the powers-that-be with regards to the exact date of Judgement Day 2009 – that day of reckoning when the 2008 O Level results are finally released.

And with every principal/teacher/employee of the shady MOE having apparently been made to swear by their entire ancestry tree not to divulge anything on this matter else they may lose a finger or two, speculation has reached fever pitch as we move into “Early January” territory.

So far, dates ranging from 2 January (“cos it’s early January!”) all the way till after Chinese New Year (“cos they want us to ‘enjoy‘ our Chinese New Year mah!”) have been respectively “confirmed” by “a teacher who’ve been in a meeting with the principal”, “a friend who overheard a conversation in the staff room”, “an aunt who works in the MOE”, and other sneaky moles risking their lives as undercovers in the organisation.

However, while scouring the net for further clues just now, Miss Loi happens to come across this blog post where the author managed to ‘CSI’ (to borrow this notorious word from Hardwarezoners) the following information:

Latest grapevine……..

Release of “O” level 2008 exam results.

There was a newspaper report (Straits Times, 24 Dec 09) saying that a woman criminal was sentenced to jail. But she request the judge to postpone her jail sentence, because she said she want to guide her daughter thru the O level results and thru the JAE.

Then the judge said OK, and he consulted MOE. Then he postponed her jail sentence to start on 19 Jan 09.

Therefore, by logical deduction, that JAE will definitely end before 19 Jan 09. (Mon).

Since 19 Jan 09 is a Monday, that means the last day of JAE is likely to be on 16 or 17 Jan 09.

This means that “O” level results will be likely announced on 12 Jan 09.

And below it, she finds this intriguing comment:

My aunt work in MOE. i went to ask her. apparently, they already fix the exact date, but they cannot reveal… supposed to keep secret…

i ask her about e above, she cannot answer.. she juz drop a hint… “clever, v clever.”

so u can guess…

if i got more news from my aunt, i update u guys on this blog, okie?…

To all O level students…hang in there..

Dun panic. keep praying.

So has the Da Vinci Code been broken?

In any case, don’t worry so much and enjoy your real first day of school tomorrow everyone!

がんばって!!!


2009
Sat
3
Jan
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Chronicles Of A Maths Tutor (2008)

(7)
Posted at 11:24 pm by Miss Loi in Miss Loi the Tutor

… continued from here.

In the beginning, there was darkness again.

For 86 days and nights the men and women of The Temple wandered the wilderness of The Desert of Uncertainty, frequently succumbing to devilish temptations of pon-ing lectures, tying up classmates, or harbouring evil thoughts of kissing a member of the opposite or same sex for the first time, as they frolicked in their new-found freedom of JC life.

Revelations

When the bell tolled for Judgement Day, all evil thoughts were banished as they made their way to face their destinies, to stand before the White Gates of Salvation, willing themselves to be consumed by the white light of Mathematical Nirvana, even as the world held its breath and their anxious High Priestess was jumping up and down like a siao cha bor away from view at The Temple

GCE O-Level 2007 Double Maths Grades
Salvation is complete.

And thus The Great War of 2007 was won, and tears of joy flowed freely, as the birds started chirping and ewoks began dancing, and the Maths Tutor was finally able to stop jumping.

The Great Flood

Amid jubilant scenes with her charges, the Maths Tutor secretly began believing in her own supreme powers of salvation.

The dark shadow of complacency crept in as she slid slowly into a lifestyle of indulgence and sin. As a result, her shopping sprees stretched longer and longer as she neglected The Temple, and routine visits to noble Mathematics websites were abandoned in favour of unhealthy sites like this.

When she was eventually caught scamming innocent cheekopeks with an April’s Fool date, the Heavens, angered by her immoral ways, unleashed a terrifying downpour that destroyed The Temple’s roof and flooded Novena, leaving the Maths Tutor helplessly distraught and barely escaping with her Charles & Keith shoes.

Flood Along Thomson Road Path To Carpark
Repent! Repent!

Unmasked

As The Temple laid in ruins with the Maths Tutor devastated, words of encouragement gradually trickled in, some of which predicted that the flood might actually turn out to be a good omen.

As proof of their clairvoyant abilities, she somehow managed to get featured on a supplement of the national newspaper, in an article that took her three rounds of flipping from front to back before it was spotted, as a precursor of things to come.

Joss Sticks on Digital Life
Cool title, eh?

But little did she know that, after two sneaky little reporters managed to score the greatest coup in journalism history by making off with two of the world’s best-kept secrets i.e. 1) The Temple’s location and 2) a photograph of the Tutor, her bloated-and-hagged-coz-it-was-taken-at-night-after-a-long-day face was unmasked to the world on the FRONT PAGE of the national newspaper, scaring the living LMBFH Syndrome out of every school-going kid in Singapore on that fateful day.

Miss Loi is The Sunday Times' Super Tutor! Miss Loi the Savior

The Tuition Nation

And so, following an unusual spot of calm, they came – a monstrous tsunami of Mathematical refugees hailing from all corners of the land, from the farthest HDB block of Pasir Ris to the castles of medieval Europe, descending on the plains of Novena to seek out the One with the bloated-and-hagged-coz-it-was-taken-at-night-after-a-long-day face who was one of the newly-crowned Five Heavenly Super Tutors (a mahjong-combo-sounding title she coined herself).

Miss Loi and her phone For 1.5 months, The Temple creaked and groaned from their incessant pounding on The Gates, as the Maths Tutor and her faithful Nokia sidekick struggled to keep up with the calls, causing her to temporarily suspend all blogging activities, miss countless TVB drama episodes, and leaving Novena with shuttered gates and windows as angry mobs roamed in search of The Temple. (alright the last part was fiction)

Attack Of The Kawaii Teeny Spree Blogs

When a semblance of normalcy returned, rumours were whispered of a blog contest, where untold fame and riches awaited its winners.

Spurred by her materialistic instincts the challenge, a great journey was undertaken (via her mouse) across the vast expanse of her LCD monitor screen to jostle with thousands of others at the sign-up booth.

As fate would have it, she made it to the final stage – to find herself surrounded by nine menacing kawaii teeny spree blogs:

Miss Loi vs The Kawaii Teeny Spree Blogs

This was a battle (out of syllabus) she had never fought before, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

It was said that as the kawaii teeny spree blogs closed in on her, the Maths Tutor summoned her strength and rallied her troops with an impassioned speech that moved grown men to tears, imploring all to her rescue.

And responded they did. For a grueling month they clicked and clicked and clicked, keeping the massive kawaii teeny shopping clone armies at bay as the Maths Tutor was locked in a catfight titanic struggle with a particularly fearsome blog that kept hurling teapots at her.

By the ninth month, their brave efforts were finally rewarded when the blockade was broken and the teapots stopped flying, and the exhausted Maths Tutor emerged triumphant on stage (with a big unglam handbag) to claim a trophy that looked strangely like a teapot.

Best Blog Shop!
Best Blog Shop!

Enemy At The Gates

Fluttering Temple Banners
Fluttering Temple banners.

But alas, there was no time for her to bask in her victory, nor celebrate the much-coveted honour of becoming the main subject of discussion in a Hardwarezone EDMW thread (Yes Miss Loi has read all the naughty stuffs you people have said behind her back. Tsk tsk.), for the skies darkened again as an evil wind served notice of The Enemy‘s march towards The Temple once more.

Unknown to many, The Temple had been rebuilt by this time. And a new Order of The Temple was established when the Maths Tutor was joined first by her sister and then her brother as she sought to expand her campaign to more fronts.

Little Miss Loi Mr Loi the A Level Tutor
In case you’re wondering, they’re both about the same height in real life.

The Day of Mathematical Armageddon

And so on exactly the day to the year before, on the 22nd Day of the Tenth Month, The Enemy commenced its siege of The Temple, pounding it with their new Weapons of Maths Destruction that included the likes of Plane Geometry, Standard Deviation, and even a Type R Variant that has never been seen in previous campaigns.

With the Tutor’s Campaign Creed firmly imbued in their spirit, the brave men and women of The Temple aimed their sharpened compass tips and made their great charge against The Enemy, their eyes glowing white from their 阴阳眼s as they whipped themselves to a frenzy before clashing with the hordes under a blood red sky.

And on a dark day that is now notoriously known as The Day of Mathematical Armageddon, the scene was set for some of most gruesome events ever witnessed as her charges faced not one but two papers on that day:

Erasers were rubbed until oblivion. Compasses were impaled on papers … Curve rulers were twisted and bent beyond recognition … Calculator buttons were punched so hard and fast till they were dislodged …

[CENSORED!]

Epilogue

As the exhausted tutor comes to the end of this long, long post reflecting on her surreal 2008 journey, it’s as if the Heavens are still holding their breath, for there’s no shooting star streaking across the sky this time (actually, coz it’s daytime – duh).

Nevertheless, her mind is burdened with questions for this coming year.

Will her new charges pass their CA1 and not stress her again during the Mids? Can she successfully train more students to be independent so that she can age gracefully in the long term? Can she finish her 2009 exam papers in time? Will she be able to get Little Miss Loi to blog more? Will she be able to blog more? Will she survive the attack of the clones? Will she get less traffic tickets? When will the Singapore Flyer move again?

But these questions will have to wait for now for she, like the rest of Singapore’s educational fraternity, is straining her ears really hard for the faintest murmurings of the impending Judgement Day 2009, when she’ll finally learn the fates of the owners of those bent rulers and dislodged calculator buttons.

がんばって!!!