土
曜
日
2010
Sat
18
Sep
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A Facebook Friend In Need Is A Facebook Friend Indeed

(8)
Posted at 1:53 am by Miss Loi in Miss Loi the Tutor

The moonlight danced off her long black hair, casting an eerie Pantene sheen in the still of the night.

Like a vengeful spirit she roamed, from profile to profile, group to group, and page to page, as she hunted relentlessly for someone only she would know.

Wandering into an unfamiliar page, her prey was finally spotted.

Only one person likes this

Sadako Loi We meet again.

Miss Loi EEKS! Sadako! Why are you here? 7th Month is long over!

Sadako Loi Like some of your students, I played too much during my September break and missed the closing of the Gates to the Underworld. As a result, I’m now trapped in Limbo here.

Miss Loi Orbi Goot.

Sadako Loi Because of this, I will miss my Entrance Exam for Reincarnation in a month’s time.

Miss Loi Orbi Goot! Sadako Chiak Chooroot!

For the first time ever, a hint of stress betrayed Sadako’s emotionless face.

Sadako Loi With reincarnation slots at a premium, competition amongst the Underworld’s inhabitants to excel in the critical Entrance Exam is fierce.

The schools down there are overcrowded. The teachers are struggling to control all the little imps and devils in class, and with their school’s Dark Lords constantly breathing down their necks, they can hardly find time to focus on teaching.

As a result, most of the imps have private lessons outside, and many teachers are asking them to go for private lessons if they cannot cope. That’s why the private academies – from the Maths centre run by Pythagoras, to the joint Physics venture by Einstein and Newton, to the Mother Tongue institute owned by Confucius, are flourishing.

Suddenly, Sadako sank to her knees.

Sadako Loi Oh Miss Loi! Will you be my Sensei? As our syllabuses are similar, if I do well in the ‘O’ Levels here and burn the certificate as an offering to the Underworld Exams & Assessment Board (UEAB), I can use it to bypass the Entrance Exam to attain reincarnation into a next life of my choice!

Help me Miss Loi! You are my only hope! I don’t want to be left behind by the system and exist eternally as a wandering spirit!

After all the havoc and mischief she caused last year, and having not personally been to the Underworld herself (CHOY!), Miss Loi is a little skeptical of her claims.

Miss Loi Sadako, we’re now only a little more than a month away from the ‘O’ Levels. This is the period when my students are at the stage where they are supposed

  • to be practicing to solve their sums independently and not depend on prompting from Miss Loi
  • to be training on their speed of solving questions.
  • NOT to stare at/wait for Miss Loi when stuck at a question, but instead learn to continue to the next question and come back later.
  • to be strong in their basics and NOT ask the same old fundamental questions again and again.
  • to wipe that smirky, complacent haolian smile off their faces for those who have done well in their prelims (or who’d already sneakily secured a place through DSA), coz that smile had proven to be the downfall for many in the past.

… in addition to the cheong hei stuff that had been said in the past.

The Jφss Sticks Society

Miss Loi paused to take a breath.

Miss Loi For the rest, I happen to have just created The Jφss Sticks Society – a place meant for all to burn virtual joss sticks and view my TYS solutions, to post a question or two on the Discussion Board (and hope/pray that someone answers in time), and simply a place to gather and put your arms around each other’s virtual shoulder in these testing times.

But as it is, I’m currently swatting flies at the place.

Miss Loi turned to look at Sadako.

Miss Loi So Sadako, if you’re sincere about this, find me at least 100 persons to “Like” the page and I’ll be your Sensei for this O Level.

So please head over to The Jφss Sticks Society Facebook Page and click Facebook Like to help Sadako achieve her reincarnation, and hopefully this will put an end to her freaking out other people in the future!

がんばって!!!
Miss Loi
月
曜
日
2010
Mon
30
Aug
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Happy Teachers’ Day From [Fill in the blank]

(1)
Posted at 10:57 pm by Miss Loi in Study Break

As the torturous chorus of SOSes from the Last, Last, Last-Minute Buddha Foot Huggers reaches a crescendo, and with less than two months of Hell Mega Jφss Sticks Sessions left before the ‘O’ Levels, it’s imperative that Miss Loi takes a final break to ready her aging body, mind and soul for the final push to the finish line.

Touching Down on Paradise

Touching Down on Paradise

Time to reply her frightening backlog of emails amid a gentle rain and a serene chorus of croaking frogs. No prizes for guessing where she is right now.

In any case,

Happy Teachers’ Day!

More photos to follow …

Miss Loi is currently on her final ‘quickie’ getaway from 30 August to 3 September to ‘ready’ herself for the final onslaught.

For enquiries, please SMS or email missloi [at] exampaper [dot] com [dot] sg during this period and she will try to get back to you as soon as she can.

Apologies in advance for any inconvenience caused and she seeks your kind understanding if she’s a little slow in replying during this period.

がんばって!!!
Miss Loi
月
曜
日
2010
Mon
9
Aug
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Once In 50 Years

(9)
Posted at 9:33 pm by Miss Loi in A-Maths Questions

The sea of little flags proudly perched on all manner of vehicles serves to remind us that, once again, National Day is here.

Falling magnanimously on a long weekend, it’s also the perfect opportunity for patriotic families to flee leave the country en masse, thereby affording Miss Loi the opportunity to scale down this weekend’s joss sticks sessions in exchange for more leisurely activities like watering her plants, folding her clothes, and heading to town to catch some fireworks display.

With her Woodlands Customs-trained bumper-to-bumper driving skills, she managed to navigate her way out of the ubiquitous traffic jams, and promptly found what was arguably the last vacant (and legal) parking lot deep in the lowest basement of a carpark. (Couldn’t just anyhow park at the roadside you see, even though it’s a holiday.)

Soon, she was standing among the huge crowd at a prime spot with eyes transfixed at the night sky. And before long …

Ooooooooh!!!!!

A collective cheer greeted the first of the fireworks as it lit up the sky.

AAAAhhhhhh!!!!!

Another one went up, streaking the heavens with brilliant y = k ln(x2), k ∈ ℝ arcs.

WAAAAhhhh!!!!!

The next one was fierce, with straight explosive y = kx, k ∈ ℝ lines shooting out in all directions.

ALAMAK!!!!!

The night sky masked the storm clouds. The electrifying atmosphere absorbed all scent of impending rain. So when it came, the sudden, massive downpour caught everyone by surprise, and Miss Loi became an instant panicky member of the “Forget to Bring Umbrella” Club as she scrambled her way to the nearest shelter.

Shivering in the confines of the shelter, she stood and watched with fear as little streams of water on the floor merged into a raging river, carrying away anything in its path that had a lower density than water. And then …

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

A sudden realization dawned upon her, and the scene in her mind shifted quickly from the flash flood before her to her hapless car parked “deep in the lowest basement”.

With history about to repeat itself, she sacrificed her Charles & Keith platform shoes (again) and ran in the relentless rain towards the direction of the carpark.

Her worst nightmare was realized when she found the entrance to the carpark cordoned off by the police, and she had to be subsequently restrained by the police officer when she tried to barge her way through.

Let me in! My car is at the basement! LET ME IN!!!

Mdm! Get a hold of yourself! The flood water is rising inside! It’s too dangerous!

Let me in! My insurance doesn’t cover “Acts of God”! Let me in!!!

and she began to wail uncontrollably.

Perhaps it was her poor 凄凉 face that moved him, or perhaps it was her eerie wailing voice (in combination with her ‘gothic’ look created by her melting makeup) that spooked him. Either way, the police officer softened his stance …

I think I know you. Aren’t you that famous Sunday Times Maths Super Tutor?

A PUB government scholar has predicted that the height y (in cm) of the flood water in the lowest basement carpark will vary with time t (in minutes) as follows:

y = 40+ln { [ { te^{-{t-4}/2}}/{8-t} ]^{1/2} }, t > 0.

  1. As it’s only safe to enter when the water level is neither rising nor falling, find the first value of t for which y is a stationary point and determine the nature of this stationary point.
  2. Once you reach your car, it is only safe to drive out when the water level is falling. Find the set of values of t for which y is a decreasing function of t.

With that, the police officer held her shoulders, looked into her eyes and said,

Listen Mdm! This is a test of your understanding of the methods involved to obtain stationary points in a function! Do not use your illegal GC or exotic iPhone app to plot the curve as you won’t be able to obtain your answer this way!

Good luck and Happy National Day!

Afterword: So it didn’t rain tonight. But you still must help Miss Loi rescue her car in this INCEPTION-esque 9th August alternate reality :P

*totem spinning*

がんばって!!!
Miss Loi
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月
曜
日
2010
Mon
26
Jul
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I, Neighbour

(17)
Posted at 10:08 pm by Miss Loi in E-Maths Questions

WARNING: Long rant ahead …

如有雷同纯属巧合
(but based on a true story)
Taxi Driver

I don't have a picture of me but I find this taxi driver resembles me the most

Hello, my name is John and I’m a taxi driver.

Contrary to common misperception, I am really nice and will go the extra mile to make your journey a pleasant one. For instance, I will always greet you when you board my cab and will help carry your luggage (if any). Hence there’s absolutely no chance that I will ever be attacked by a celebrity. As a professional, I also take safety very seriously. To demonstrate my commitment, I often make the extra effort to travel at 20 km/h below the expressway’s speed limit, regardless of the lane I’m on.

When I’m not being the nice and professional taxi driver on the road, I spend 100% of my free time at my spanking sparkling HDB flat. I really like my flat and I think it’s the best. In fact, I love it so much I’ve done two major renovations on it within this year. Admittedly the resulting noise can sometimes be a little loud. But I’m sure my understanding neighbours (along with their crying babies) will find this minor sacrifice well worth it when they share my joy in seeing the finished product, coz my flat is the best.

One day, however, the world collapsed around me when a little wet patch was spotted on my perfect kitchen ceiling above my perfect kitchen cabinet to ruin my latest perfect renovation job. Though I don’t ever recall seeing that area being wet before my renovation began (and since time immemorial), my contractor was adamant the fault lies with my neighbour living above. I know that my honest contractor always tells the truth, and therefore must be trusted. Moreover, my flat is the best so the fault must definitely lie elsewhere.

After calling my neighbour (whom I later found out to be a mathematics tutor) daily once every 2 hours, I managed to arrange for my contractor to visit her home, where I have no doubt the problematic spot will be found. And she would then have to rectify it, so that my renovation job remains perfect, and my flat shall continue to be the best.

To my surprise, they couldn’t find any leak on her kitchen floor. I cannot accept this. Most likely they didn’t check properly due to too many things placed there. It is not supposed to end this way because my flat is the best.

Undeterred, I called the HDB daily once every 2 hours to arrange for an inspector to visit her home, where I have no doubt the problematic spot will be found. And she would then have to rectify it, so that my renovation job remains perfect, and my flat shall continue to be the best.

To my surprise, the HDB inspector couldn’t find any leak on her kitchen floor. I cannot accept this. Most likely he didn’t check properly due to too many things placed there. It is not supposed to end this way because my flat is the best.

Undeterred, I called the HDB daily once every 2 hours to ensure they remind my neighbour daily once every 2 hours to arrange for another visit to perform a series of tests on her kitchen floor. I was told these tests will result in her being unable to use her kitchen taps for 3 days. But I’m sure she won’t mind this minor inconvenience one bit, especially when she sees the completed renovation on my flat, which will be the best.

This time though, the tests (whatever they were) concluded that there might be a leak in a hidden pipe beneath her kitchen floor (though the exact location remains a mystery). I am overjoyed. Justice has prevailed! She MUST now rectify it ASAP, or risk not being invited to my show off housewarming party after the renovation is completed on my flat, which is the best.

Unfortunately my neighbour is seldom home so it is difficult to fix a time to resolve this. I cannot understand this. How busy can a mathematics tutor be? How can helping students excel in their mathematics exams be more important than fixing the little wet patch on my kitchen ceiling?

To make things worse she suddenly went missing for a week. I heard from another neighbour that she went on a shopping trip to Japan. I cannot accept this. Staring forlornly at the wet patch for hours end with concurrent thoughts of her happily shopping away in Japan was an experience I would never wish upon anyone. This has affected my work and in turn exposed me to the risk of being attacked by a celebrity.

To cut this long blog post short, I finally managed to fix a time with her upon her return. But not before giving her a lecture on how to be a good neighbour, with an emphasis on her obligation to inform me the next time prior to going overseas. At the same time, I wanted to counsel her to be more prudent with her money, not to waste it on useless things like shoes and clothes (though I’ll secretly admit she looks really sexy in them) when they could have been spent on better things like renovation.

However, I decided to tell this to her on another day as it was obvious she wasn’t on a good mood that day (nothing to do with me though) …

Given that my uncooperative neighbour is only home for a limited time during working hours, the assigned contractor has arranged to fix the leak in 3 days with 3 workers working 2 hours per day.

At the end of the second day, unfortunately, one of the workers fell sick and there was no replacement. On average, how many more hours must each of the remaining men work for the remaining day in order to complete the job?

I immediately called my neighbour and asked her to solve the above problem for me but she said she was busy with her class before abruptly hanging up on me. Subsequent calls once every 2 hours were not picked up. I cannot accept this. How busy can a mathematics tutor be to the extent of not helping me solve a simple mathematical problem on demand? As such, I think she’s a really lousy mathematics tutor and I pity her students.

So if you’re reading this, can you help me solve the above problem so that I can inform that lousy mathematics tutor how much longer she is obliged to be at home for the work to be completed on the last day?

If you can do that, I may even invite you to my housewarming party when everything is done, where you can then have the rare privilege of admiring my flat, which will be the best of the best.

がんばって!!!
Miss Loi
月
曜
日
2010
Mon
12
Jul
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Greetings From [Fill in the blank]

(16)
Posted at 9:44 pm by Miss Loi in Study Break

After getting off the same flight as Dasmond Koh 许振荣 and Kym Ng 鐘琴 (WHAT a coincidence!) and consequently stalking them all the way to baggage claim, Miss Loi now stands before this famous icon.

The Statue of Liberty?

Famous icon

Maybe she’ll bump into Kym again when she goes shopping later.

No prizes for guessing where this is … hmmmm … maybe a prize ought to be given to the first reader to guess correctly Miss Loi’s current location.

Gone Shopping! Miss Loi is currently on a ‘quickie’ getaway from 12-16 July to ‘recharge her batteries’ in preparation for the looming promos/prelims/O Level exams fiesta.

For enquiries, please SMS or email missloi [at] exampaper [dot] com [dot] sg during this period and she will try to get back to you as soon as she can.

Apologies in advance for any inconvenience caused and she seeks your kind understanding if she’s a little slow in replying during this period.

がんばって!!!
Miss Loi