Update two months later …
For the last time,
Update 4 April 2012: For those of you who are STILL not convinced, Miss Loi has just clarified this on 新明日报 (Shin Min Daily News).
Alright, this post has been STOMPed!
If you belong to the 50+% population of righteous people who are “Enraged” by this, do take a glance at the date of this post (and read through the comments here too just to further convince yourself, if necessary).
Else, enjoy your stay at Jφss Sticks and feel free to browse around, especially for previous 1st April
jokes blog posts for your reading pleasure
rejected callers would have known by now, Miss Loi has stopped giving private home tuition since a few years ago – choosing instead to focus her effort and limited time on her 14 (++) exclusive joss sticks sessions at The Temple.
On the other hand, though, there are rumours of her being spotted in the vicinity of various housing estates across Singapore in the wee hours of the night.
*Sigh* … 既然事情已经到了这个地步, Miss Loi feels that she should now come clean on her moonlighting activities, which require her to visit students’ homes regularly again, in part to nip any potentially-nasty gossips in the bud about her sidelining in one of the world’s oldest occupation (DON’T YOU DARE).
You see, as reported in this recent news paper article, the combined demands of school work, CCAs and Level 99 worksheets from well-meaning elite tuition centres these days has produced a new (albeit slightly underground) market in the local tuition scene, where specialist tutors zip around the island to “service” students by helping them complete their homework while they get their much-needed rest.
As for Miss Loi, she first got into this a few months back when a desperate parent called her for help, promising to pay her a “fortune” if she would help her son complete a tall stack of math homework left on his desk by that very night.
An inner voice told Miss Loi it wasn’t quite right, but
having massively overspent on last month’s credit card bill a look into the pleading, sunken eyes of the pale, emaciated student evoked her immense sympathy and the rest, as they say, is history. Though she later discovered his lack of rest was caused by watching too many ‘live’ football matches at 2-4 am
Anyways, now that she has let the kitty out of the bag, Miss Loi might as well take this opportunity to formally announce …
Miss Loi’s μidnight Sticks Homework Program
Stressed by never ending math homework?
Demoralized by your elite tuition centre’s Level 99 worksheets?
Depressed and tired by your lack of sleep?
WORRY NO MORE! MISS LOI IS HERE TO HELP!
Get your homework professionally done by one of Singapore’s Top Math Tutors and maintain your As!
Available outside her group tuition hours, you can now call upon Super Tutor Miss Loi to complete your child’s math homework and assignments while he/she takes that well-deserved rest – all in the comfort of your own home!
- Typical Jφss Sticks quality assured!
- *Accuracy guaranteed!
- No shortcuts – all essential workings displayed!
- ^Neat handwriting that resembles your child’s!
- Get praised by teacher the next day for a job well-done!
*Option to “purposely do some questions wrongly” is available on request, just to maintain credibility.
So keep your child rested and fresh to face the challenges of the next day by outsourcing time-consuming math homework to the ultimate Professional.
Pick up your phone and call 9380 5290 now!
Appointments will be made on a first-come-first-served basis.
Hurry! She can only visit a limited no. of locations each day!
Fees & Charges
S$250 for 1st hour
S$150 for every subsequent hour or part thereof
Note: Fees are per student
Additional 50% of the above rates from midnight to 5.59am
Peak period surcharge
Additional 25% of the above rates in the following periods:
- 2 weeks before CA/SA
- 1 month before O/N Level
Additional S$10 per visit to the following regions:
Additional S$50 per visit (excl. toll charges) to the following region:
Terms & Conditions
- Bookings will be on a first-come-first-served basis.
- Payment to be made before any homework is done. No payment = no homework.
- Strictly ONLY homework will be done – there will be NO tuition, teaching or any explanation activity in the duration of Miss Loi’s visit.
- Scope of homework is limited to Secondary level O Level/IP/IB/N Level mathematics subjects.
- To prevent conflict of interest, NO HOMEWORK FROM THE TEMPLE will be entertained.
- Timing shall start the moment Miss Loi steps into your place of residence, and end when she finishes the last question.
- To prevent any dispute, you should arrange all homework to be done within the visit in a neat stack prior to Miss Loi’s arrival.
- Your child is strongly advised to be resting when Miss Loi is here. Any time lost through him/her distracting Miss Loi will still be charged accordingly.
- ^Miss Loi reserves the right to reject the assignment if your child’s handwriting is hopelessly illegible to the point that it’s simply impossible to mimic without being found out.
- Miss Loi reserves the right amend any of the terms and/or fees without prior notice.