The ongoing 讲华语 dan cakap cakap Melayu O Level oral exams traditionally signals that the business-end of the academic season is near – when Singapore schools’
kiasu 1st/2nd/3rd/nth prelims/mock exams etc. lie just around the corner (if they haven’t already started).
This is also the time when the customary horde of Last-Minute Buddha Foot Huggers begin to amass, shed their procrastinating tendencies, and miraculously transform themselves into efficient individuals adopting the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – as they proactively pick up the phone and call (with THE END very much in mind) …
Hi is this Miss Loi? Do you still have any tuition vacancy?
I’m so sorry, our tuition slots are currently full.
Hi Miss Loi, I scored F9 in my last exam. Are you able to cover everything from scratch from Sec One to Sec Four maths within three weeks till my prelims?
I would like to help you but I’m sorry as we’re currently full.
Miss Loi! I failed my mids big-time! Can you cover everything (I mean EVERYTHING) within one month?!! However I can only make it for tuition on Sundays. Maybe Thursdays too if my school remedial schedule permits …
I’m sorry we’re full.
Miss Loi do you teach Chemistry/Biology/Combined Sciences/Geography/History/English/Literature/POA/D & T/Chinese/Malay/Tamil/<insert your “favorite” subject here>?
No, and sorry we’re full.
Miss Loi can you teach me maths online though a computer screen?
That’s a nice idea but sorry we’re full.
Miss Loi, can you do my homework for me?
NO! Happy belated April Fools BTW …
*mournful voice* Miss Loi … I dunno algebra … can I pass? *sob*
Sorry we’re full.
*insecure voice* Miss Loi … just do TYS confirm can pass right? …
Sorry we’re full.
Sorry we’re full!
SORRY WE’RE FULL!
My Sexy Maths Tutor!
Build for thyself a bigger Temple, for that which thy have is too small!
Immediately, like a maths tutor possessed, Miss Loi cancelled her hair salon appointment to relook at her (perpetually-FULL) tuition class schedule …
More to follow …