A Darth Vader-ish voice in her head, and an overwhelming desire to rid as many students as possible of the LMBFH Syndrome were.

The prices of Ikea furniture at the time was also an important consideration.

Oh how nostalgic.

Challenging some of the assignments might be, she had some ground to believe that she would not suffer a drastic increase in white hair in the process, even though she had to up the frequency of her visits to the salon to “fix things”.

Limp, dull and lifeless and in dire need of treatment to restore its natural shine

But come the beginning of each year, all those white hair efforts would bring her immense satisfaction when she witnesses yet another batch of Temple devotees complete their cycle of Mathematical Reincarnation.

So it is with these 2011 GCE ‘O’ Level results, where 100% of this assorted batch of young men and women, flying the United Colors of The Temple, many of whom were ‘victims’ of the unfortunate ‘Sorry, your child is not bright enough’ grades-cleansing campaign, defied the odds to pass and attain significant improvement in their grades.

Of her Double Maths students, whom more than half first arrived at The Temple on the brink (i.e. ≤ C6),

• an amazing 90.9% of them made the jump to at least a B3 for BOTH E-Maths & A-MATHS,
• with 42.85% scoring and 自摸-ing a Full House 满胡 對對胡 double-A1 for BOTH E-Maths & A-Maths.
• In addition, 81% attained at least a 4-grade jump, with 88.1% attaining at least a 3-grade jump.

GCE O-Level 2011 Double Maths Grades

Of her supposedly “weaker” Single Math students, who … umm … true to form, belonged to a 百分百 100% 清一色 batch of D7/E8/F9-ers who arrived cold and depressed at The Temple Gates, who were a major source of Miss Loi’s frequent visits to the hair salon, some of whom even made Miss Loi wake up in cold sweat in the middle of the night screaming “No! He might repeat! She might not make it!!!” ….

• 100% attained at least a 4-grade jump to banish their cursed F9s forever to nothing but a distant memory - which could be used to motivate their future grandchildren in the manner of “I used to score F9s just like you, then I went to a Temple and took an arrow in the knee.” … something like that.
• 75% have made the leap to at least a B3.

GCE O-Level 2011 Single Maths Grades

SCGT Forever!

So it is with these ‘O’ Level exams, where supernatural efforts tend to reward you with supernatural results. But as Miss Loi bid a final goodbye to yet another batch of supernatural students, she is mindful that for some, however, all that sweat and tears may have sadly not yielded the desired outcome your supernatural efforts deserved.

Judging from the numerous mentions of “Bedok Reservoir” surfacing every now and then on Facebook, Twitter etc. over the course of the week, she’s a little disturbed that should the balance be tilted further in the future … CHOY CHOY CHOY!

As such, Miss Loi shall leave you with this very, very self-explanatory picture …

Place your bets on the winner here!

… along with a very aptly-written by this reader (borrow your quote hor, mathslover )

… everyone has different talents but sadly some are made to waste time on an exam that is either impossible for them, or so hard that their time can be better spent bettering the future of society doing other things besides studying for it.

Really, instead of making that seal go through tuition to learn how to climb trees, then practise climbing the actual trees used for exams in the last 10 years, why not just release the seal to do what it can do best?

That’s why one exam simply does not determine your entire future and what you do in your lifetime, and that the next step you take is always more important than the previous step you left behind.

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

The aircon in her car suddenly turned chillingly cold, and she realized she had passed that dead zone when she saw this …

Judgment Day is Nigh!

So much for serenity … *teng teng teng teng*

Pour out your feelings with other … umm … like-minded folks at the 2011 Judgment Day Event!

“… I’d unravel my grades in the shade of the afternoon sun”

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

*Pulls towel from bar to dry dripping wet body*

*Emerges slowly from the mist-filled bathroom – Lux Girl style*

*Sits at dressing table and blows hair dry*

*Religiously apply facial cream to prevent premature aging from last week’s O Level Maths papers* (as gravely warned by her facial aunty)

*Picks next phone number from the list*

*Slides to unlock*

*Presses Touches numbers on iPhone touchscreen*

*ring ring*

…

Hello?

Hi, this is Miss Loi …

OH MISS LOI!!!

I’ve been waiting a looooong time for your call! You know har … my this son har … I dunno what to do with his maths anymore!

AIYOOOOOOH … headache arhhhh!!! …

…

To those on the Wait List aka 名册

The 2012 Temple Wait List aka 名册

Miss Loi is currently in the middle of her annual phone call marathon to get in touch with all on her wait list and lending her ear to the n^th+1 tragic 凄凉 academic tale.

As things stand, Miss Loi is almost done calling everyone on her wait list (*except for parents of 2012 Sec One students – see below).

If you have contacted Miss Loi earlier (via SMS, missed call, email etc.) but have only experienced a long eerie silence till then, Miss Loi is terribly sorry about this and would gently request that you call her again asap (Tel: 9380 5290) (sorry there are many on the list plus lotsa missed calls on both ends).

*Note: All parents of post-PSLE students will be contacted after the release of the PSLE results on 24 November 2011. *teng teng teng teng*

Meanwhile, GOOD LUCK to all A-Level students in your remaining papers – Freedom Is Near FREEDOM IS HERE!!!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

Only for it to be shot down soon after.

And so in a bright sunny binary day of 1/11/11, Captain Loi and her crew of sexy air stewardesses took off from The Temple to fly Jφss Sticks Airways Flight JS296 among the clouds once more – looking down at a million faces that seemed to bask in the (resigned) relief of the afternoon sun …

… following which the latch was pulled and the package released …

Click the button (if you haven’t yet done so) and grab it here!

As usual, please leave a comment should you spot any mistake in the solution.

For those who might be feeling a bit down after this year’s “more-challenging-than-usual” A-Maths papers, be comforted to know that the evil bell curve should be working in your favour (instead of against you) this time.

Hope you can take heart from the following Singlish-ridden quote which Miss Loi has always said to downcast students in times of need (while patting their backs simultaneously) …

If everyone says difficult and you say die then it’s ok.
But if everyone says easy and you say die then you REALLY DIEEEEEE!

Let the burning of Math books begin! But please don’t accidentally burn your books from other subjects

Meanwhile last-minute air-drops cum tips for other O Level subjects are still continuing on the Jφss Sticks Facebook wall!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

… following which they pulled the latch and released the package to the waiting populace below …

Click the button and grab it here!

As usual, please leave a comment should you spot any mistake in the solution – Miss Loi’s a human too!

One more maths paper to go before the burning of Math books begin!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

To the 1.0 × 10ⁿ (2 sig. fig.) missed calls & emails (from these few days) that are currently residing in Miss Lo’s handphone now:

As Miss Loi is deeply embroiled in her Mega Jφss Sticks sessions during this period of consecutive O Level A/E-Maths papers Please SMS or email your contact number if you’re interested in joining her maths classes for the new season, and she’ll get back to you when things have calmed down in early November – which starts this week!

Miss Loi is currently busy with her phone marathon to respond to all on new enquiries and those on the calling list. Will respond to the comments here in due time.

Thank You for your understanding and apologies for the slow response.

Meanwhile, do checkout the Jφss Sticks Facebook wall for the relentless updates

*Loud droning noise overhead*

Another big package just got air-dropped from Jφss Sticks Airways Flight JS296!

Click the button (if you haven’t yet done so) and grab it here!

As usual, please leave a comment should you spot any mistake in the solution – like yesterday, Miss Loi still had students to save at The Temple throughout this evening (including some who refused to leave)! tsk tsk

Now to turn the attention to The Temple’s crack elite AMaths Regiment over the weekend … *cracks whip!*

Meanwhile follow the Jφss Sticks Facebook wall to receive The Temple’s last-minute O Level air-drops cum tips. It’s all happening there!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

A very big package just got air-dropped from Jφss Sticks Airways Flight JS296!

Click the button and grab it here!

As usual, please leave a comment should you spot any mistake in the solution – Miss Loi was still teaching at The Temple until an hour and a half ago!

One down, one or three (depending on whether you take AMaths) more maths papers to go!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

Breaking News: From whatever intel that Miss Loi could lay her hands on at the moment, here’s the list of possible topics that may appear for tomorrow’s Paper 2.

1. Algebra

   • Changing the subject of a formula
   • Quadratic equations (word problem)
   • Simple algebraic fractions & equations
   • Number patterns
   • Inequalities

2. Application of mathematics in practical situations

   • Profit & Loss
   • Compound interest & simple interest
   • Money exchange
   • Hire purchase

3. Trigonometry

   • TOA CAH SOH
   • Sine/Cosine Rule
   • Area of triangle
   • Bearings
   • Angles of elevation/depression
   • Shortest distance
4. Mensuration
5. Angle properties of polygons + finding number of sides of polygons
6. Vectors

7. Similarity & Congruency

   • Proving
   • Ratio of similar figures (areas & volumes)

8. Probability

   • Probability tree diagram
   • Possibility diagram

9. Statistics & data analysis

   • Mean, median & mode
   • Standard deviation
   • Box & whisker plots
10. Graph sketching on graph paper

The grove of bamboo in front of The Temple sways majestically to the breeze, its rustling sound drowned by the drone of Jφss Sticks Airways Flight JS296 making yet another wave of its relentless sorties to air-drop last-minute tips onto the Jφss Sticks Facebook wall.

Click the button to receive The Temple’s last-minute air-drops cum tips on our Facebook page’s wall. It’s all happening there!

This same grove of bamboo, which Miss Loi watched it grew from a loose shrub of saplings, happens to be planted about the same time as when her current batch of O Level students first knocked on the Temple Gates years ago …

Miss Loi! My sis has never passed her maths since Sec One. Nobody in the family can help her. No matter how you DIE DIE must help her pass!

Miss Loi, my daughter is very hardworking one you know. But she’s full of careless mistakes. She has been putting in a LOT of effort but she just cannot pass her maths!

Miss Loi! My daughter has never passed a single AMath test for the whole of Sec Three. It’s been F9 F9 F9! I think she’s thinking of dropping the subject!

This same diverse group of students, who have just finished the last question, completed the final joss sticks session, and visited The Temple’s toilet for the last time … who have now proudly grown from mathematically-challenged saplings into a mathematically-hardened bamboo on the brink of their first steps towards their Mathematical Salvation.

As usual a cheong hei Miss Loi would have enough words at this time to crash this website, so here’s a selection of Miss Loi’s last messages to a selected few:

To the emo one who first arrived at The Temple with a face straight from a funeral,

Miss Loi believes that you can get a distinction this time. This means you WILL get a distinction!!!

To the >4000 9000 messages/month undisputed SMS Queen,

Miss Loi believes you WILL scored very very well once you are away from your iPhone!

To the 井井有条 one who plans everything like an Aunty,

You will do well – just focus on PACING yourself to avoid careless mistakes and make sure a human can read your handwriting!

To the pro champion who scored FULL MARKS for the prelim,

Please refrain from discussing cheem out of syllabus stuff with your China classmate before you enter the exam hall!

To the insecure one who always think you are the lousiest,

Things are never as ‘disasterous’ as you seem to think – they are always just a figment of your imagination.

明天后天下个礼拜会更好!

To the one who keeps thinking that her results will end up making her clearing tables at Koufu foodcourt,

You will definitely have no chance to work in Koufu!

To the one who is always among the top 20 in school,

Don’t be complacent! Please double/triple-check your answers lest your A1 runs away!

To the Chinese-speaking basketball player,

Have confidence in yourself as you have already improved tremendously over this final month. If only you’ve started your rehabilitation earlier … but it’s still better late than never!

To all,

Usual stuff applies (ignore topics which are already out of syllabus) and Miss Loi is now NAGGING you again to make sure you use all spare time you have left to check your answers. Don’t assume any of your answers will be definitely correct – confirm chop stamp you will discover some silly mistake when you check.

THIS IS ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT IF THE PAPER APPEARS TO BE EASY – as anecdotal evidence is pointing to 90% for an A1 these days!

Oh … and don’t eat heaty/heavy meals or any buffet before the paper. Don’t end up spending 20 minutes … umm … baking cakes like last year *sigh*

Oh dear better stop now – Miss Loi’s really nagging …

Last but not least, as you turn your backs to The Temple with its backdrop of fluttering banners for the very last time, should you be feeling lost or insecure in the long weeks ahead, remember to head over to our Facebook wall to grab your 11th-hour air drops and supply of O Level tips!

OK time now to bring your inscribed O Level wishes to fruition, like many before!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

The arcade machines was strangely quiet.

Even the Gong Cha stall near The Temple was unusually bereft of the lines of chattering students waiting for their “30 percent sugar level” drinks.

General Loi Mdm! All is quiet on the front! No mugging activities spotted!

Sergeant Loi‘s brusque KPKB voice broke the deafening silence.

No. There are out there, still mugging away. Just that you can’t see them now.

Putting away her binoculars, Miss Loi continued with a resigned tone …

Our Enemies – the kiasu croaking troops of the A1 Mugger Toad Division and the mechanized cyborgs of the Foreign Study Legion should be at their final phase of preparations by now.

Having gone through the TYS and every single prelim paper and assessment book available on this planet for the n^th time, they are entrenched deep within their bunkers – revising their meticulously-prepared notes away from all prying eyes.

Turning to Sergeant Loi, she asked

How are preparations going along at The Temple, Sergeant Loi?

Have our students been brainwashed conditioned to aim for FULL MARKS in each and every one of our mock tests, as the presence of the Mugger Toad Division & the Foreign Cyborg Legion these days has deteriorated created the situation to the point that one must score 90% for an A1 (taking into account buffers for careless mistakes, significant figure errors etc.)?

Mdm! Yes Mdm!

Is any goondu who’s running out of time still practicing their demoralizing school prelim papers?

No Mdm! Under my charge, there are NO goondus at The Temple! *smirky smile*

Are our students timing themselves to complete a full paper in 1-1.5 hours? And afterwards scan through again to look for careless mistakes? Followed by corrections for ALL questions which they got wrong, to make sure they identify and learn from their mistakes?

YES MDM!

Have they gone through all their personally highlighted questions (those which had often brought them grief in the past), and practice till the working steps are second-nature to them?

Yes Mdm!

Is any student still taking half an hour to do one question, because he/she is either looking at the tutor’s pretty face for help, SMSing on his/her iPhone for help, asking in Facebook for help, and complaining “WHY GOT NO ANSWER?!” when no help is forthcoming?

No Mdm! The last student who did that has got his iPhone taped to his ear with the iPhone alarm sound blasted continuously at full volume till the battery ran out!

Y U No Give Formula!

Is any student still assuming that all relevant math formulas will be given within the question or in the formula sheet?

No Mdm! All students have got the formulas conceptually embedded in their minds (including those found in the official formula sheet) so that they can do their sums faster in the exam! In fact, some can be heard screaming them out loud while they sleep at night!

Have our students been practicing on their construction/graph sketching questions (ESPECIALLY those who don’t like to draw and tend to skip them during revision)?

Yes Mdm! Those who didn’t like to draw now LOVE to draw! after I’ve forced them to draw for me 100 copies of graph paper (to the smallest square)

Is any AMaths student giving up on Plane Geometry?

No Mdm! I’ve drilled into them that Plane Geometry is likely to be easier in the ‘O’ Levels compared to their prelims! Simply by practicing more on Similarity & Congruency may garner them a few marks, even if their 阴阳眼 happen to be weak on that day!

After such long periods of practice, are there many who are suffering from PRACTICITIS i.e. being tricked by familiar-looking questions similar to “standard” ones which they have practiced countless times when in fact they are actually asking for something else? E.g. The nasty polygonic parasite is 2010 EMaths Paper 2

Not many Mdm! All PRACTICITIS sufferers have been quarantined at the medical centre where our resident Yoga Master is on hand to help them relax, read the questions properly and focus focus focus …

Have they all read my cheong hei stuff that had been said in the past?

Yes Mdm! And some of them agree that you are indeed cheong hei! *oops*

Last but not least, have they all ‘Liked’ our Jφss Sticks Facebook Page, where O Level questions and tips are currently being air-dropped to all frontline troops?

MDM YES MDM!!! I will personally tie up those who didn’t to a tree and tickle their feet till they do!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

And once more, all non-hated ‘chers and educators across the land will, in all likelihood, get to enjoy a feast of gifts from their adoring students.

They melt in your ♥♥♥ heart ♥♥♥, not in your mouth

Along with a feast of beautiful words that will melt the sternest of teachers’ hearts and, in some ways, make those little nondescript sacrifices (like waking up in the car on a public holiday morning) well worth it.

As always, however, Miss Loi & The Order of The Temple would like to stress that the best Teachers’ Day gift of all shall always be to do your very, very best to grab the best-est results you deserve in your final exams.

Confessing your sins is a good start …

But having said that, Miss Loi has just received the most flattering Teachers’ Day gift ever.

As the old saying “imitation is the highest form of flattery” goes, Miss Loi is extremely proud to acknowledge, on this Teachers’ Day eve, a gift in recognition of the coming of age of The Temple.

Having …

“nestled itself somewhere amongst the lush fertile plains of Novena in Central Singapore, a pebble’s throw from the MRT, in a secret location known only to those of the purest hearts“, and “offered the ways of the enlightened to the determined masses and help the willing attain Mathematical Nirvana”

… for a couple of years now (read it here), it has apparently inspired another Temple (in classic PSLE cloze passage fill-in-the-blanks manner) to

“nestle somewhere amongst the bustling crowd of Somerset in Downtown Singapore, a stone’s throw from Somerset MRT, in a secret location known only to those of the well-informed … to show the lost but willing ones the path to Chemistry enlightenment“.

The Temple has found its long-lost twin!

Thus on an emotional Teachers’ Day eve, The Temple has found its long-lost twin just mere kilometres away amongst the bustling crowd of Somerset. Near to Miss Loi’s regular foot reflexology shop at Somerset 313 some more! Oh don’t you feel happy for us on such a joyous occasion?!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.