So which part of the instructions do you not understand? Or did you even bother to read them at all???

A severe case of selective visual attention

At this rate, The Temple’s gonna be overrun by gigantic water bottles and Miss Loi’s arms are going to develop unsightly muscles from carrying them

Ali Baba & The 40 Thieves

*end of rant*

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

Dull, brooding wall

Recognizing that a dull, brooding grey wall isn’t exactly the best thing to stir up the excitement of a new student, lift the spirits of weary devotees, or to assure postmen and stalkers that they’ve indeed come to the right place, the venerable High Priestess decided to dip into The Temple‘s funds to commission the building of a great sign …

A sign that would be hewn and produced from a single large 4 × 3 feet slab of acrylic by the finest artisans from Bras Basah Complex (that wouldn’t rip her off), and one that she ended up having to carry to The Temple by herself in an epic journey from the carpark

The Sign at the End of the 38 Steps

A sign that would now greet all at the end of their arduous climb up the fabled 38 Steps.

One whose very sight of it would rejuvenate the lowest of spirits in the darkest of days, strike fear into those infected by the LMBFH Syndrome, and make all worries for tomorrow’s test/exam go away (provided you’ve done your revision).

Most importantly, it serves to remind all that

where attaining your Salvation comes with ONE BIG CONDITION:

Touch it on your way to the exam hall for some Harry Potter-ish “Temple Luck”

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

No, Celine Loi doesn’t like this!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

“Mitigation” Phase

UPDATE:

As we’re reportedly now in the last leg of the great H1N1 fight (even though Singapore should have well beyond 1000 cases by now), it’s time to remove the irrelevant list of affected countries from the notice.

In these dangerous times when an unseen enemy threatens to extend everyone’s June holidays, the grave-looking Biological Specialist of The Temple has issued the following urgent announcement (especially for those of you returning from your tour to some exotic location or have been partying illegally in some club disguised as a dairy product manfacturer etc.):

In addition, all visitors/students at The Temple are advised to adhere to good personal & environmental hygiene practices (which you should have been doing all along anyway) i.e.

• Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water before & after class
• Avoid physical contact (e.g. hugging one another emotionally after solving a difficult problem) whenever possible
• Look away and cover your nose & mouth with a tissue whenever you cough or sneeze
• Refrain from disgusting acts like leaving used tissues on the table, wiping your germ-infected hands on books/chairs/eyes/mouths/nose/anything/anyone you can (literally) lay your dirty hands on … ewwwww …

We seek your kind cooperation for the sake of everyone’s well-being, and to preempt the possibility of The Temple having to re-locate to some far-flung resort where, as Miss Loi was told, there’s no Starhub Cable TV which means that she will miss at least a week’s worth of the Channel 55/255 娱家戏剧台 VV dramas!

DOWN WITH H1N1!

Will we see the same unbridled joy like
those on the faces of these Hong Kong students?

P.S. Speaking of extending the school holidays, after being questioned an umpteenth time by her students on whether she has any “insider info” on this matter, Miss Loi actually went to ask a teacher friend of hers …

Miss Loi: “Eh cher, do you know if the June holidays will be extended? Shouldn’t they have announced it by now if it’s true?”

Mean Teacher Friend: “Aiyoh Miss Loi, please use your BRAIN lah! I thought you very smart one?”

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

And thus they began their Long March to the South, one of the most epical feats in history involving the search of a missing maths tutor.

Burdened by their heavy textbooks and oversized pencil cases, they braved the merciless cold of The Temple‘s aircon as they pressed on, driven by sheer determination and the belief that those blackcurrent-flavoured Sour+ sweets would still be available by the time they reached their objective.

Their perseverance was rewarded at the end of this monumental journey that spanned a massive 15 metres in under half a minute, when they finally caught a glimpse of a classroom unlike any of The Temple’s Four Chambers they have ever seen before.

Journey’s End

Like the innocent children that they are not, they took their tentative first steps into this dream-like chamber, and were glad to recognize some familiar stuff, like their favourite comfy chairs, those study charms that have 保佑-ed them through countless killer tests and exams, and even the Faithful Mr Dustbin.

But the scene soon unravelled itself into something different, from the big board on a darkened wall that sucked the living focus out from all their easily-distracted minds:

The graffiti has already begun.

To the upgraded aircons with the ability to impose Arctic conditions to wake all whose flesh is willing but spirits are weak:

Snowflakes not included.

To the new Homework Corner aka 冷宫 where all who spend too much time talking and end up couldn’t finish their work within the alloted joss sticks session get banished to (at no extra charge):

冷宫

Tears flowed freely from their eyes when they finally spotted that stately jar of blackcurrent-flavoured Sour+ sweets the diminutive maths tutor watching 土豆 preparing for their next joss sticks session at a corner, bringing an emotional end to their journey.

Hard at work.

But most importantly, they know they now stand within the cavernous confines of The Temple’s greatest chamber, where acres and acres of rolling carpeted floor await them to prance around and perform their little dances of joy whenever they’ve found the proof in their Plane Geometry questions, where a thousand joss sticks await to be burned and great offensives against the Great Enemy shall be plotted this year.

And this shall be their new tuition home, where all shall attain their Mathematical Nirvana, for this is

*drum rolls*

TA-DA!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

No one’s home …

And thus they departed with haste and began The Long March to the South, carrying with them a mixture of uncertainty and anxiety in their hearts, for some of them had stayed too long at the MacDonald’s downstairs and were already late for class.

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

Building the Great tell you when it’s done

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

Hello everyone! Konnichiwa! 欢迎欢迎! Welcome to the tour of The New Temple!

The great-great-great-
great-great-great Grandmother

My name is Miss Loi, the great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter of The Temple’s founder, and I shall be your tour guide for today.

While we wait for the rest to finish their arduous climb up The 38 Steps To Salvation, here’s some background information on the UNESCO World Heritage site that you’re about to visit.

Established in 2007 A.D. by my great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother to help students in their mathematics, it has its humble beginnings in a small, little room where we now stand.

You see, lives of Singaporean students were pretty harsh in those days. Crammed into classes of 40 or more in school, all of them had to sit for two major exams, common tests and numerous class tests every year.

*Collective ‘Oooh’ from the tour group*

OK seems like everyone’s here. Let’s start the tour proper shall we?

The New Temple Gates

The Sign of The New Temple Gates

What you’re seeing before you are the legendary NEW Temple Gates, finally unveiled to the internet-at-large in February 2009 A.D. after, according to popular folklore, my great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother took a month to locate a missing ‘k’.

It’s been said that the very sight of them once reduced straight-As students to tears, and caused many to experience a sudden surge in their Mathematical prowess.

At this point, I’d like to ask a quick quiz question: Can anyone tell me what’s the expression for the r^th+1 term in the binomial expansion of (a+b)ⁿ?

! BANZAI!!!!!

Well done Sato-san! *clap clap* It does seem like there’s an element of truth to the legend after all.

The Chamber of Λ

The Tablet of Gratitudes

As we walk past the Tablet of Gratitudes from which hangs a myriad of homage to my great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother, you’ll see on your left The Chamber of Λ – the first of The Temple’s Four Chambers.

The Chamber of Λ

Sporting the same Λ symbol on Spartan shields, legend has it that my great-great-great-great-great-great granduncle once used this chamber to shield his A-Level / IB charges from the attacks of the 3D Vectors, amongst other A-Level topics.

With a maximum capacity for 6 students, it holds the record for the longest glass board of all in The Temple, and is also the only chamber where you can find white tables (because the dark ones were sold out by the time we reached Ikea).

The Chamber of δ

Continuing down the hallway, you’ll soon see on your right The Chamber of δ.

Oh delta, the Symbol of Change, and the symbol of the cosy little chamber of my little great-great-great-great-great-great grandaunt, where she once held audiences with O Level Science students and where she was rumoured to have conducted her dark alchemic Chemistry and Biology experiments.

The Chamber of δ

With a maximum capacity for 5 students, it holds the record for the smallest glass board in The Temple and, when my little great-great-great-great-great-great grandaunt was not around, it was also the place where errant students who didn’t do their homework got themselves banished to aka 打入冷宫 in the hope that they would their learning attitudes – since this is, after all, The Chamber of Change.

The Chamber of π

Continuing down to the end of the hallway, we arrive at The Chamber of π.

π – that enigmatic infinitely irrational number which plagued Singaporean students like a leech from their pre-pubescent primary school years all the way to their tertiary years, and despite everything, a number that’s still widely used by dieting women today to compute the circumference of their waists.

The Chamber of π

With a maximum capacity for 6 students, this is the sister chamber to the sacred Chamber of φ (which we’ll come to shortly), a mirror-like extension of the latter in times of crisis when The Temple was frequently overrun.

The Chamber of φ

And now hold your breath, ladies and gentlemen, for we have come to the innermost quarter of The Temple.

Before you lies The Chamber of φ – the domain of my great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother The High Priestess herself, the Holiest of Holies, the sanctum sanctorum of The Temple, and the main attraction which you have paid your tourist money for.

The Chamber of φ

Oh φ – the Symbol of the Golden Ratio of perfection, and the Mark of the great Jφss Sticks Movement that brought about the demise of the LMBFH Syndrome during the turbulent Tuition Nation era at the turn of the 21st Century A.D.

Japanese Study Charms

Lined with good luck study charms from faraway Japan, this was where the High Priestess famously prepared her inner circle of disciples (6 at a time) for the wars against the Great Enemy, and where her ministries were held to cleanse them of their deadly sins of careless mistakes and not leaving enough time in exams to check their answers.

In fact, so powerful was her presence that her spirit is rumoured to be still lingering within the chamber till today …

*Ground trembles*

!

Umm … excuse me?

COSINE RULE! a² = b² + c² − 2bc cos A! BANZAI!!!!!

Oh no not again!

我会考甲一!
がんばって! A1!
WE WILL SCORE A1!
WE WILL SCORE A1!
WE WILL SCORE A1!

GRANDMA! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*silence*

.
.
.

Umm … that’s the end of our tour.

If you’ve enjoyed it, I’d certainly appreciate a small token of appreciation from you at our tip box. We accept all major currencies but please don’t be a cheapskate and tip us in US Dollars.

Once again Thank You / Arigato / 谢谢 for coming and have a very Happy Lunar New Year 2999!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

Tomorrow, The Temple shall witness the outcome of another oath, that will (hopefully) usher in a new era of peace, silence and tranquility.

Typo: “FOR 12 MINS” should’ve been “WHEN NECESSARY”

YES, THE BOTH OF YOU CAN!

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.

No effort was made to avoid the creases when they took it down

Winter comes in earnest, to put an end to an era.

Merry Christmas everyone *Wipes away a tear*

© 2007-2011 Jφss Sticks. Copycats will be mercilessly hunted down.